Spiritual Renewal Sacrifices

Sacrfice can bring new peace and satisfaction. When I was younger and all the way through my 20's my mother said I was never satisfied. I saw it as my personality. Never accepting less than what I deserved or wanted within reason seemed normal to me. I was (and am still) very driven. I am creative. I am resourceful. So, I thought of my restlessness, as mom saw it, as a gift. In fact I sometimes was rather put out at her seeming lack of drive or taking the dregs as we called them.

Example: Mom always took the boniest pieces of the whole chicken. The neck, wings and occasionally the thighs. I was always mad about this. Why did she sacrifice so we could have the meatier pieces. Why did she eat the dark meat when I thought that clearly the white meat was better. This might sound weird, but I thought she deserved better. Every chicken meal, there was this irritation inside of me. I now understand that this sacrifice was her gift to dad and us, the kids. I also know now that my brother hates chicken with bones. She still claims to love those pieces, but maybe she does so not just because the taste, but also how sweet it is to give something to others that they really love. She knew it was easier and meant more to others.

This might seem like a really weird blog. As I write it, it seems so trivial. However, it is something I just saw and felt for myself on the last visit to see mom. I recognize that I am not as restless as I used to be. I still like "things" and peaceful, well deocrated environments (one of my weaknesses). They are a bonus now, not the goal. I am still driven to get good deals and have fun, but not at the expense of others or my happiness. I still like certain foods, but also see myself thinking of Chloe and Craig. I would not say sacrifice has made me self-less, just not as selfish.

Lastly, I cheated the past week on the Lenten promise. The last 2 days I woke up not feeling right. I realized I made the sacrifices for me to be healthier and to show that I too can appreciate a tiny slice of what Jesus must have felt in abundance on the cross. My conscious is out of alignment. Not because of what a church or religion said I should do, but because I made a careful choice to sacrifice this Lent and messed up. Ho hum, humanity strikes again.

What now? I try again each day to live up to my best. I will take care of myself and look out for others too.

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